Holy Ground
To be fully transparent, I have been struggling for many months with loneliness and depression and crying out to God. Unfortunately, I felt I wasn’t getting any answers as I still had these desperate feelings. I am sure most can relate. Some days are worse than others, but I am not far from tears or complete breakdown at any given moment. In the midst of my despair, I am trying to live, be healthy and whole, and be a good and responsible person. Once again, I recognize that I am trying too hard to meet these expectations on my own. Sure, I have been praying but if I am honest, I still have not been waiting on God. This weekend, my answered prayer came from such an unexpected source - actually several consecutive sources! I am blown away. Today’s blog article will explain what I believe God is teaching me and within my story, I hope you as well.
Taking Up our Cross
Our faith teaches us that we must bear our crosses like Jesus did. But what does that really mean? In my Bible study this week, the message was regarding Revelation 6:9-11:
“When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain because of the word of God and the testimony they had maintained. They called out in a loud voice, ‘How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?’ Then each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to wait a little longer, until the full number of their fellow servants, their brothers and sisters, were killed just as they had been.”
This passage is discussing martyrdom and people who have been (and currently are) killed because of their faith. This is very heavy stuff, but I realized something in the study. Perhaps we are not all called to such a dramatic thing, but we are all called to “take up our cross” if we are followers of Christ. In other words, we are to accept where we are and lean into God. Our suffering is a part of being in the family of Christ in this life and we must honor it, just as we honor the suffering of Christ. And so, our prayer becomes, “How, Lord, do you want me to serve you even through my suffering?”
What is Our Passion?
Once again, I had leaned into my own strategies (hardly tried and true, but habitual). Of course it never works. “If only I’d feel better, I’d be able to do A, B or C….” Have you been there? If I am to serve the Lord, I simply look to my gifts and talents, because they are God-given, and use them to serve Him. Our gifts and talents are our passions. We all have them. I know what these are for me and I’ve already pulled away from them - again - waiting to “feel better” first. But there is always fear in proceeding to walk where He wants us to walk, isn’t there? I’ve been using my depression and fears as an excuse NOT to proceed with where I know He wants me to go.
“I Told You To Do It.”
I know He wants me to continue this ministry. I know my passions are writing and teaching. I know this should be my priority. I was reminded of this through an unexpected source recently. Why haven’t I continued with it the way He has led me? There were always excuses. I will not bore you with them all, but it boils down to fear. In fact, I’ve thought many times about how I need partners and mentors throughout this ministry and while this would be nice, I always “hear” these same words in my mind’s ear, “I told YOU to do It.” My sister was a part of this ministry with me. I leaned on her and loved our partnership. When she died last September, I sort of gave up thinking I couldn’t do it on my own. I kept this blog, but that was it. That message, “I told you to do it” (I’m still receiving it) scares me to death! I had been asking the Lord all along what He wants me to do. He is answering me but perhaps I don’t want to hear it! And I need to accept and honor the fact that He isn’t necessarily going to heal my heart first!
Our Hearts are Holy Ground
We sang a song in church this morning called “Holy Ground” by Passion. How appropriate! I felt God speaking to me again. The term “holy ground” comes to mind when we are worshiping or when we are at the altar or perhaps we think of Moses removing His sandals as he stood before God on Mt. Sinai. In reality, our hearts are holy ground because the Holy Spirit indwells us. I pray that I can truly take up my cross of despair and serve the Lord through it rather than waiting for healing first. I must honor the suffering because that is honoring God through sacrifice. Wherever I dwell, I am standing on holy ground and so are you as a part of the collective church, the body of Christ.
Tonya Noren
April 18, 2021