I wrote this article the beginning of this year, but I wasn’t yet ready to publish it. It was too raw. I feel ready now and I hope it gives comfort to anyone who has lost a loved one or experienced a devastating loss.
Loving the Scars
On September 29, 2020, my sweet sister suddenly passed away after a brief illness. The profound loss and grief I still feel devastated my world. We were so close. I previously wrote in a tribute to her that she literally took my secrets to her grave. When people speak of a “hole” left by loss and grief, I understand now. She was such a part of me and I am scarred forever. But I also know that the wound left in my heart is made stronger with the memories and my love for her. I only have to accept the healing scars it leaves and learn to love them.
The Scars
Jesus’s disciples grieved with the immense pain of loss after his death too; simply because they loved him so much. The disciple Thomas, after feeling Jesus’s scars after his resurrection and the love they represented, finally believed that after great pain can come great joy and hope; as long as he accepts and loves the scars. “Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe’” (John 20:27).
The scars remind us of love coming full circle. Immense pain brings immense joy, hope and peace through the scars. Perhaps our grief also humbles us to compassion for others as they hurt. Leaning on our Savior and his scars is the only thing in which to base our hope. He truly is the resurrection and the life, which closes the wound of grief for us.
Deep Scars/Deep Love
We can apply the significance of Thomas and his beloved rabbi to our own grief we all inevitably feel in life. Like Thomas, let us feel the scars of Jesus. They remind us, as they did Thomas, of how much he sacrificed for us demonstrating such unfathomable love. Loss comes in many forms and we grieve with broken hearts in various stages in life; but loss and grief do not have to devastate us. It is okay, and even necessary, to feel the scars of our wounds, but we can love them too, knowing they represent something so deep and valuable.
I can still cry and feel the pain of missing my beloved sister but the reminder scars that cover the open wound in my heart allow me to also remember her infectious laugh, our deep biblical discussions, her devotion to me and mine to her. She took a piece of me with her, keeping it safe with Jesus and I can keep a piece of her now as I feel the scar. Loving the personal scar of my loss allows me to more deeply love the scars that Jesus bears and I, in turn, receive hope and peace in him as I await glory! Let us let Jesus’s scars heal ours.
Tonya Noren
November 21, 2021